30ds

I did great today.  I went to WalMart and bought me a food scale so that I can actually weight out certain foods.  I watched this video on YouTube once that showed how using a measuring cup for some food is actuall wrong, and made a BIG difference. 

I only ate about 850 calories today, which isn’t good, but I woke up so late that breakfast and morning snack time were already passed.  I’m not down with the whole starvation thing, but I didn’t want to stuff my self the the calories I missed this morning.

I spent alot of time online today researching different diets and dieting techniques.  This whole starvation diet sounds ridiculous to me.  Going days at a time without eating is obviously unhealthy.  I can’t imagine how painful that may be. (But that’s just my opinion). 

Sometimes I wonder if i will successfully lose all this weight.  I know there are so many people that try dieting over and over and are unsuccessful, then there are a few that manage to get it off and keep it off.  This is the biggest obstacle that I think i’ve faced in my life… I’m not used to failing at anything, which is why i’m sure that I can do this. 

~DAY 2~  Menu

Lunch- Instant grits with 2 eggs - 225cals

Snack - Special K Strawberry Bar - 90cals

Dinner - Cabbage Soup - 119cals

Snack - 2 bagels with cream cheese and 1/2 grapefruit - 385

plan: 
-7:30 am: eat melon, banana, and yogurt 
-7:45 am: walk the dog
-9 am: run
-11 am: eat kale salad
-2 pm: workout with my bestie 
-3:30 pm: post workout protein shake
-5:30 pm: bootcamp (circuit training)
-7:30 pm: fro-yo with the ladies

sounds pretty good. 

I need to buy my own scale so I can know for sure how much I weigh. Using other people’s or random scales in random places doesn’t work, because it only gives me an idea of how much I weigh, since every scale is different. I used to fluctuate between 117 and 122. Now I’m 127, but this was done on a scale at an aquarium (yeah, I don’t know why there was a scale there) about a month ago. I wish I could just know for certain my own weight just by wanting to know.

now shower and sleeeeeeep
me so tired.
gotta babysit in the morning.

Today was pretty good, minus a few things it wasn’t all that bad.

But now I’m fucked. I didn’t stick with my diet at all today, I didn’t eat a shit load of food but the food I did eat was shit. I know I went over my calorie limit. I didn’t do my situps this morning because I was at sarah’s. I fucking hate my life. I was almost to lost eight pounds and now i probally gained a pound or two back.

Why is this so fucking hard?!

Most people by now could have lost like fifteen lbs, but no not me. And if I eat one fucking thing that’s bad for you it throws everything off.

I’m telling you if my mom’s right about me having a thyroid problem and when I go back there for that check up and I have to get more bloodwork done because I have a thyroid problem I’m going to have to shoot fucking someone. Why can’t they just give me medicine and get it over with?! They do it any other fucking time.

And fucking the whole lupus thing, that’s bullshit.

“Yeah.. so you’re blood paletes or however the fuck you spell them are low and your mom has been diagnosed with lupus for over 35 years now and everything and it’s completely genetic but instead of trying to stop it and prevent it now and fix it were just gonna wait a couple months and then see how you’re doing.”

YEAH FUCK OFF I HATE DOCTORS

I work nights, so I’m usually on a day sleeping schedule.

I have a few people to text during the day, but it kills me that everyone is asleep when I’m awake at 2 in the morning, starring at my fridge with lustful eyes.

also: done spamming you guys with text posts for now.

Gotta go work :c

Project Lose It- Day 3UPDATE: 

Hey guys, Day 3!  I think today could have went a whole lot better if my mom didn’t bring me Wendy’s for dinner.  But eh, I still worked out. 

The workout log:

60mins

270cals

Goal for today: 500cals

As you can see I didn’t get any where close to the goal.  But I blame my muscles.   They are really hurting right now and I almost think I need to take some muscle relaxer.  I guess they are just not used to it.  

But yes, I needed up doing 20mins this morning and just did a 40min walk.  I could have gone longer but my legs were killing me.  I was basically dragging myself. 

Anywho….

Food Log (rly bad today)

B: tbsp of peanut butter

L: Hot pocket and a Mt. Dew (yeah not the best lunch one should eat, but I’m sure I’ll burn it off today, and besides I WAS HUNGRY!) 

D: Wedney’s Chicken sandwich and Tea. 

Tomorrow’s goal: eat better

When I really try, I think I’m really pretty.

When I look at my best pictures, I imagine how gorgeous I’ll be when I lose the weight and I smile

Second day seemed quicker. I can feel the burn, though! Who has made it through the entire cycle? Let me know how it was!!

I love this

Usually, I avoid going to blogs, looking at tagged posts and reblogs- of people that are losing weight the unhealthy way. It just makes me ache a little bit, knowing the damage they are doing to their bodies and their minds, and the possibility that they are leading themselves into an eating disorder, and that sometimes- nothing I say will make a difference.
But the thing is, not all these blogs know that what they’re doing is so bad for them, they don’t recognize the true danger that they are putting themselves into. Maybe they have turned a blind eye because they are desperate for a change that will ‘make them feel better for once’, which of course we know does not happen. Maybe they were influenced by other unhealthy blogs and sources and think that it actually works.
But the thing is. It doesn’t. It only twists the mind into greater frustration, pain and sometimes, depression. It puts a great risk of anorexia, bulumia or ednos. It puts the body into starvation, into deprivation and possibly hospitalization.

So what I am suggesting today, is that if you see something, say something. If you see a blog that is doing these hurtful thing to their bodies and minds under the assumption that it will make them happier-send them a message. Send them kindness. Even one kind word can change someone’s day. Send them the facts of nutrition of self esteem. Be informative but respectful. This is NOT a contest of ‘who is better’ or ‘showing off’ healthy lifestyles, but an attempt to spread the knowledge that happiness and acceptance comes from within- not from getting thin.
Lets spread awareness. Lets help put out a little of the fire that is unhealthy weight loss and negative self talk.

Already feeling better about things, even felt slinkier this morning. I’d forgot to weigh myself yesterday so I’ve managed to do it on my own [duff] scales. Not happy with what was staring back at me, but I’m well and truly on it now so fingers crossed next week there will be a change.

Bit of a ‘grab what I can’ day today unfortunately.

Breakfast:

2 wholemeal toast (400g loaf) 2 laughing cow light triangles.

Lunch:

2 wholemeal bread (400g) 28g cheddar. Baby sweetcorn, 1 activia fat free vanilla yog.

Tea:

Jacket Potato (or SW chips) 2 x Quorn Burgers (1 syn) marrowfat peas (or pasta n’ sauce)

Syns:

2 x Quorn Burger = 1

1 tsp Butter = 2

Options Caramel Hot Choc = 2

Tesco apple cereal bar (140 kcal) = 3.5 syns (over estimate)

No gym tonight since I’m nearly sick with nerves about my driving test tomorrow. If I pass I’ll drive myself to the gym in celebration and if I fail again I’ll walk myself there and back as punishment.

BREAKFAST
Muesli with non-fat milk and dried cranberries, coffee (non-fat with 1 sugar).
= 306 calories.

LUNCH
Ham and low fat cheese on a multigrain roll, rhubarb yoghurt.
= 398 calories.

DINNER
Grilled chicken burger with salad and a tiny bit of mayo.
= 232 calories.

SNACKS
Fibre bar, apple pieces drizzled with vanilla custard.
= 249 calories.

TOTAL
= 1186 calories.

EXERCISE
None.

I really wanted something sweet after dinner but I’m out of yoghurt so I was naughty and used custard instead… Yum!

This is my weight loss blog. My current weight is 200 pounds and I wear a size 13 pant and XL top. In 5 years I went from a size 6 to a size 13. I use to wonder how I managed to gain so much weight in five years. I am 20 years old and should be at an age were I can eat what ever I want but instead I am worrying about how I’m going to lose weight. Well let me tell you how in 5 years I went up about 7 pant sizes.

1. I stopped eating a mainly veggie and fruit diet.
2. I stopped going to the gym.
3. I got involved with a controlling boy for 5 years and devoted all my time to him.
4. I ate out of depression.

I’m sure most of you know that mood and weight go hand in hand. Self -esteem and weight go hand and hand too. Those 5 years I spent with boy totally screwed up my self esteem. He would constantly compare me to other girls and tell me how ugly, fat and worthless I was. He wouldn’t let me have time for myself. I also feel that a part of my weight gain was to make myself sexually unappealing to him. I would hate it when he touched me and how even when I’d tell him to stop he’d keep going. 

Now, I don’t want to scare anyone away because they think this blog will be a downer. I want this blog to be more about my journey in reclaiming my life. I mean after 5 years in the dark I want to take back my health! I want to do things I enjoy again! I want to wear clothes I like! I want to watch movies I love! I just want to be me again. 

Oh, before I forget here are some extra things  about my blog I want to address:

• I picked Jasmine as my profile picture because when I was thin that’s the Disney princess I got compared to the most. 
• I will post my weight once a week.
• I’ll do my best to keep you informed of what I ate and what exercises I did.
• Since I am also reclaiming my life I’ll share little things that I started doing again that I loved but haven’t done in a long time.
• I will never reveal my identity. (maybe after I reach my goal weight :p)

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
Chinese Proverb

Thanks for reading me!

Anonymous Girl

Even though I’m trying to lose weight & get fit.. I still love my body right now.  It’s full of lots of womanly curves… and I look hot naked.  This is a decision for ME though.  Even though I like how I look now, I’d rather be super tiny & healthy.

Whether you need to lose some weight or just want to maintain or even improve your fitness level, try this exercise routine: walk at your top speed for 5 minutes, then jump rope for 1 minute, keep switching between walking and jumping rope for a total of 30 minutes.

Aim for three walking/jumping sessions three times a week for two weeks.

Because it always works out better that way. :P I’m waking up at 7 for my workouts, and I plan to be done by 11 to noon. Then I have all afternoon to relax until I need to go over to my little brother’s to babysit. No more eating after 5. Totally sick of it. 

There’s nothing healthy in this house either. So this is what I came up with for tomorrow.

Breakfast

• Huge bowl of oatmeal - 300cal.
• Apple - 77cal.

Lunch

• Bowl of Tuna and bread off to the side - 340cal.

Dinner

• ..Spaghetti O’s - 340cal.
• Green Beans - 40cal.

Total: 1097 cal / 14.25g fat / 2 sat / 26g fiber / 54g protein

(The only bad thing about today will be the sodium intake due to the Spaghetti O’s.) 

I’m craving some fresh produce, which there is none in this house. The family I’m staying with… their eating habits are definitely different than mine. Too bad I don’t have any money for food until next month. :x Oh well. I’m happy I was able to actually find some combination for tomorrow that’ll give me a lot of fiber, low fat, and high protein, and all for under 1200cals while staying over 1000. I probably won’t have that great of luck on Wednesday. Sigh. Probably will end up doing nothing/eating nothing since I won’t be home. :| Gah. At least I’ll be playing Dance Central and DDR…? :D 

I love this